A recent paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology sheds light on a fact that I’m intimately familiar with. People underestimate how much help others are willing to provide them.
We expect others to say no when they’re much more likely to say yes. Why is this?
The authors of the paper carried out six studies to answer that question. The first three studies found that participants frequently underestimated how likely people were to answer yes to a direct request for help. The following two studies involved manipulating the perspective of participants so as to elicit the underestimation effect. In other words, the researchers were able to manipulate their participants into being more pessimistic. That’s a good skill to have if you’re a misanthrope.
Which brings me to the last study they carried out. That’s the one that caught my attention. The researchers discovered, while exploring the source of this pessimistic bias, that help-seekers were unlikely to focus on the social cost of rejection, the price people pay when they turn others down.
Rejection has a price. That’s something worth emphasizing. People, in most cases, don’t relish the thought of saying no to others, because saying no can carry some unpleasant consequences. Now, there are many variables to keep in mind. Context is key. However, it’s a good rule of thumb. Saying yes is often easier than saying no.
What’s fascinating about the last study is that the researchers have, in this instance, reduced the act of helping others to a benefit-cost ratio. People don’t help each other because they’re intrinsically good, they help each other because the price of saying no is higher than the price of saying yes.
Self-interest is what motivates people, not altruism.
For cynics, this research is soup for the soul. It points out, albeit unwittingly, that people are not angels. They’re selfish, and their selfishness makes them less likely to turn you down when you ask them for help.
Many people who suffer from depression have a hard time asking for help from others; one of the reasons is that they assume people either don’t want to help or are incapable of helping. In both cases, they are most likely right in their assessment. People are often incapable and unwilling, but they’ll try to help anyways if you ask them to. Not because they’re good, but because they’re selfish.
Understanding this opens up a new world of possibilities. If you lower your standards, and accept the fact that people are, for the most part, terribly savage and uncaring, you can start milking them for what little good they’re capable of offering you.
And a little good can go a long way. People might not care about you, and they might not be capable of understanding where you come from, but they can do little things which can improve the quality of your life.
Ask for help if you need some. It’s a win-win proposition. You’ll either get some help, or you’ll make someone feel bad for having to turn you down.
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- Misery Around The Web
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